Insomnia

It’s almost 3 am and I am wide awake. I am not the slightest bit tired, but I am bored as I lay in my bed in the dark watching the hours tick by. I have been struggling with insomnia for months now and have even begun to take a sleeping aid each night. It hasn’t kicked in yet tonight despite the fact that I took it five hours ago.

I could read. I could watch TV. I could scroll through Facebook. But instead I am thinking. Yikes. My 2am thoughts range from “I miss my kids” to “Gosh, I want a popsicle” to “Dang, I need to pee but don’t want to get out of bed.”

The past few weeks… actually the past few months… okay the entire year has been hard.

I’ve said good-bye to my daughter and son-in-law as they moved out of state.

I have heard close family members get bad news about their health.

I have watched two parents struggle just to breathe.

I’ve listened and watched dear friends go through really tough situations.

I have watched young people that I love experience and feel loss.

I’ve watched people just walk away from something I helped grow.

I’ve been hospitalized.

I’ve learned people I thought were my friends really aren’t.

I’ve been confronted.

I’ve been overwhelmed.

I’ve been disappointed.

I’ve been lonely.

I’ve been hurt.

I’ve been sad.

I’ve cried.

Why am I telling you this? Because I think we have all had these feelings. And tough situations. And bad news. And hurt feelings. And good-byes.

And you know what? It sucks. I’m not going to sugar coat it, sometimes this world and this life just plain old sucks. And truthfully, I am weary. I am just downright tired… not physically but emotionally drained.

BUT…

(And but means something is coming… something that changes everything… a game changer!)

BUT…

My God still has me.

And I will trust Him.

My God is in control. He knows my innermost feelings and struggles. He loves me. He cares for me. He will comfort me. He will give me peace. He will give me strength. He will carry my burdens and give me rest. He’s got my back. And I can, I WILL, trust Him!