Living with someone who has a progressive disease and dementia, and who requires around-the-clock care, can be impossibly lonely, emotionally draining, and downright depressing.
There. I said it.
Some days, it’s hard to find anything to laugh about. Some days, it’s hard to even want to get out of bed because I already know exactly what the day will hold.
More laundry. More changing bedding and clothes. More helping Mom with the most personal parts of daily life, including bathing and dressing her. More meals spent trying to convince her to eat something. Anything. More searching for a television show that might hold her attention for longer than three minutes.
And more moments of walking into her room to discover she’s attempted to stand up again and is now lying on the floor.
There are days when I feel less like a daughter and more like a combination of nurse, laundress, short-order cook, activities director, and 24-hour security guard. Except the security guard has one very determined escape artist who refuses to follow the rules.
My life doesn’t feel like my own anymore. It revolves around what Mom needs, when she needs it, and how quickly I can get there.
I love my mother dearly. But loving someone doesn’t magically make the exhaustion disappear. And somewhere between another load of laundry and the tenth time I’ve said, “Mom, PLEASE don’t stand up,” I realize I haven’t laughed all day.
But tonight?
Tonight, we laughed.
And it was much needed!
My mom has been particularly determined to stand up lately, despite the fact that she can no longer stand safely on her own. Steve wasn’t home, and since I can’t exactly leap out of my wheelchair to scoop her off the floor, I was desperately trying to convince her to STAY SEATED.
After watching her attempt to stand for what felt like the 437th time, I had a brilliant idea.
Or so I thought.
A few weeks ago, Mom had been given one of those memory tests where they tell you three words, ask you to repeat them, and then see if you can remember them a little later. Her three words had been “blue, sock, and bed.”
I remembered those words because I’d been there for the test. Apparently, Mom remembered at least one of them, too.
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
I decided to conduct my own little memory test. Only my three words were going to be much more practical.
“Mom,” I said, looking directly at her, “I want you to remember three words. Can you do that?”
She nodded.
“Okay. Listen carefully. The three words are: DON’T. STAND. UP.”
I repeated them slowly and clearly.
“Now, Mom, tell me the three words.”
She looked at me with a big, confident smile, clearly pleased that she knew the answer.
“BLUE!”
I burst out laughing.
Of all the words in the English language, she’d managed to retrieve one from a test she’d taken weeks ago instead of the three I’d given her approximately two seconds earlier.
“Mom! No! Not blue! The words are DON’T. STAND. UP.”
She listened intently.
“Okay, now tell me the three words.”
“BLUE!”
I laughed harder.
“No, Mom! Don’t. Stand. Up!”
She looked at me, ready to ace this test.
“BLUE!”
By this point, I was losing it.
We tried again.
And again.
And AGAIN.
Every single time, with the confidence of a woman who had just won the National Spelling Bee, she proudly announced:
“BLUE!”
Apparently, blue was the only word she had sticking in her memory, and she was sticking with it.
I was laughing so hard I could barely get the words out.
Finally, I decided to give her a little help.
“Okay, Mom. I’ll give you the first word. The first word is DON’T. Now, what are the words?”
Without missing a beat, she confidently declared:
“DON’T SWEAR!”
WELL.
That did it.
I was practically doubled over in my wheelchair, laughing so hard I was about to wet my own pants. Which would have been particularly unfortunate considering I already had enough laundry to do.
And Mom?
She was laughing right along with me.
“What’s so funny?” she kept asking.
Which, of course, made me laugh even harder.
She had no idea why I was laughing, but that didn’t stop her from joining in.
Eventually, I managed to pull myself together enough to wheel her over to her bed ready to settle her in for the night.
I pulled down the blankets, got everything ready, and was preparing to help her into bed when suddenly…
SHE STARTED TO STAND UP.
Again.
Without even thinking, I automatically said, “DON’T…”
I was just about to finish with “STAND UP” when Mom looked at me and proudly said,
“BLUE!”
I AM DONE. 🤣
My little memory experiment hadn’t accomplished a thing. In fact, it failed spectacularly.
But the laughter?
That was a perfect score.
And for a little while tonight, I wasn’t just an exhausted caregiver, and she wasn’t just my mother struggling with Parkinson’s and dementia.
We were simply a mother and daughter laughing together.
I know there will be more laundry tomorrow. More falls to prevent. More moments of frustration, sadness, and exhaustion.
But tonight, in the middle of a season that can feel so terribly heavy, we found something light.
And I will treasure that.
Sometimes God doesn’t change the circumstances we’re facing. Sometimes He simply gives us a reason to laugh in the middle of them.
And tonight, that reason was one little word.
BLUE! 💙
(This was 100% a true, not exaggerated story! My mom may be hard to care for at times but the woman is hysterically funny!)
